Pen-etariats
I bought a seven-dollar pen because I always lose pens and I got tired of not caring.
-Mitch Hedberg
I always lose pens, too, Mitch. And up until a startling revelation a couple of days ago, I had convinced myself that it was my fault. I thought that my lackadaisical attitude towards where I place my pens (et possibly cetera) led to my losing pens. I imagined pen loss by simple thermodynamics: I held a greater concentration of pens than that which exists in my surroundings, so unless I were to spend energy retaining the pens, they would go missing regularly. I now believe this picture to be inaccurate.
I possess three Uni-Ball (sounds like something one should get checked out) Signo Gelsticks 0.7, quite possibly the most God-awful pen on the planet. One is pink, one is purple, and one is a radioactive orange. As I recall, the pens came free in a package of some black pens that I actually wanted. Regardless, I have owned these pens for at least two years, which is far longer than my average pen residence time. I conclude that the disgusting nature of the pens makes them unattractive to the pen thieves who take instead my good black pens. I see the world now as a struggle between hard-working pen purchasers like myself and ne'er-do-well pen handout-takers. The latter prey upon my upstanding, yet naive, character.
Well no more, you bums! Your days of free writes are over. Condolences!
-Mitch Hedberg
I always lose pens, too, Mitch. And up until a startling revelation a couple of days ago, I had convinced myself that it was my fault. I thought that my lackadaisical attitude towards where I place my pens (et possibly cetera) led to my losing pens. I imagined pen loss by simple thermodynamics: I held a greater concentration of pens than that which exists in my surroundings, so unless I were to spend energy retaining the pens, they would go missing regularly. I now believe this picture to be inaccurate.
I possess three Uni-Ball (sounds like something one should get checked out) Signo Gelsticks 0.7, quite possibly the most God-awful pen on the planet. One is pink, one is purple, and one is a radioactive orange. As I recall, the pens came free in a package of some black pens that I actually wanted. Regardless, I have owned these pens for at least two years, which is far longer than my average pen residence time. I conclude that the disgusting nature of the pens makes them unattractive to the pen thieves who take instead my good black pens. I see the world now as a struggle between hard-working pen purchasers like myself and ne'er-do-well pen handout-takers. The latter prey upon my upstanding, yet naive, character.
Well no more, you bums! Your days of free writes are over. Condolences!
posted by john at
5:28 PM
3 Comments:
i've always had the same problem. my course of action was to keep my pen in the inside pocket of my jacket, right near my notebook. the key is to only have one. i've noticed that when i have one pen, two guitar picks, and one bic cigarette lighter, i will have them until they are rendered useless. i don't know why it's always two with the guitar picks, but when i was last in n'yark, buzzy bought me about thirty picks. within a week, i had no guitar picks.
i think your god awful pens stuck around because you only have one of each.
Consider the possibility that you may have been more aware of these neon pens and therefore were less likely to leave them somewhere. So one thing you could do is get a few pens equally rare or noticeable to those neon pens, but rare for very cool reasons. Then if in a year or 2 you have the neon pens but not the others, then it would be more conclusive.
i agree with jake's formula of 1 pen, 2 picks, and 1 functioning stick of fire...
...and it was no coincidence, no one wants a neon pen. no one that isnt 11 years old and female.
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