Silly Chitter-Chatter

I went to the dentist today for basically the first time in my life - I had braces in middle school and I vaguely remember having my teeth looked at when I was five or six, but certainly this was my first dentist trip with these teeth. I bought dental insurance last summer (at my job we can only change coverages in the summer). It costs $7 per month. February rolled around before I made sure to make it worth my $84 this year. I got my teeth examined (for a $10 co-pay) by a nice enough guy. He recommended a "regular" cleaning, I think as opposed to a "federal pound-me-in-the-mouth" cleaning, and said I might want to get my bottom-right-rear wisdom tooth pulled (which is tooth number 32; they number them like bowling pins) because it hasn't completely peaked out over my gums and is at risk of an abscess. Then he suggested some cosmetic work, but was careful not to be too pushy. He told me I might benefit from something called a laminate or veneer, which should even out my front two upper teeth, the right one of which hangs down a little lower. I should have worn my retainer more diligently. Or my parents should have pushed me harder - I haven't been able to decide.

But the good news is that I don't have any cavities, which, after watching and listening to people's reactions when I've told them I had never been to the dentist, came as a surprise. So believe me, dear reader, when I say that I am the supreme god of dental hygiene, and feel free to contact me for personal tips on how to keep your chompers as chompy as mine. (I'd post them here, but the Turdlog doesn't advertise.)